Dear Perspectives 2.0,

I have trouble finding the words I want to say. It takes me a while. I know my husband is trying to help but he sometimes will jump in before I have the chance to try to get it out. I get frustrated with him and then I feel bad. How can I handle this?

Paulette, a person living with dementia

This has happened to me. It is very frustrating. I have the thought in my head, know what I want to say, and I can’t get it out. I cannot find the words. Sometimes I forget what I was trying to say whle I am searching for the word. I often want to keep trying to find the word, but after awhile I appreciate when my partner jumps in. He does give me some time to try to figure it out, and also worries that if he is quiet too long, it will seem like he is not listening to me. When I am with friends and I can’t find the word, I will say to them “I’m sorry”. And my friends will say, “Don’t worry, it’s okay”.

– Perspective of Lynda, a person living with dementia

This could be an opportunity to talk with your husband about when you want and don’t want help to find the words. Let him know that you know he is really trying to help and you want to help him help you. You might suggest to him that he ask you if you want help when you are having challenges. You might need to let him know what is helpful or not helpful to you – for example, maybe you need him to be quiet while you try to think of the word. Or maybe you want him to not look at you because that makes you anxious. Some people with dementia say that it helps them to “let go of the word” because the pressure of trying to think of it makes it harder – they say that sometimes the word comes back to them when they give themselves a break. This is frustrating for you both, so be sure to show yourself the same kindness you are showing your husband.

– Perspective of Sonya, a professional working in dementia

Perspectives 2.0 is for informational purposes and is not medical advice.